Don’t Take Your Self so Seriously

Venus went direct and the Full Moon in Libra happened on Saturday. That day, I sat inside a Chalisa’s for Peace Event (Go Dharmic), and did 108 Hanuman Chalisas. The Event lasted just over 13 hours and by the time it was over, I felt like I had taken a bath internally I was so CLEAR. Anything that was not nailed down as Center was touched during those Chalisas. I went through so many emotions that day, and was able to observe so much about myself. Funny story- I was at Chalisa #89 or #90, and I was reeeeeally projecting my voice and trying to push it out loudly and forcefully- I had my chest out, my back straight- and picture INTENSE chanting with bulging eyes haha. I was at about Verse 20 or 27 (?) into it- and I got sent the image of me sitting on the bed and what I looked like at that particular moment. I lost it and started laughing right there mid-meditation. And I heard “You can’t force it- or whatever you are attempting to do right now” in a very gentle male voice while pointing out what I was doing internally and externally. And I heard in my Baba’s voice “I’m Soooo Serious’ (sarcastic/joking- there is a Lecture where he said the same thing about himself and exactly what I hear) and he pointed out my Voice was projecting through my Throat. He then asked me, “What happens if you project from the Heart? It meets the Solar Plexus and the Throat, and feeds them both. At that moment going forward, I began to watch where I am speaking from- my heart or my throat. It’s not perfect with the watching, but as I become aware of it, the space is able to create change within my Self. I ate and went to bed that night at 8:45. I started at 5:30 AM about 4 Chalisas “late”. I say “late” because we are never really late, are we? If we are aware of Divine Timing, we know we are always on time for everything.

This was the first time I had sat in something like this. I had only recently learned about the Practice of Chanting the Hanuman Chalisa 108 times in January, around the same time I had the nudge to learn the Hanuman Chalisa. I was aware that I would be sitting for at least 12 hours that day- but I HAD to sit. There wasn't really a question of whether or not I would that day for me… there were signs everywhere that the Hanuman Chalisa was important to learn inside my personal practice- and I started learning it back in January.

Learned the Invocation and got the first four or five verses down in Hindi, and I ended up walking away from the Prayer for a few months. The Chalisa came back around about the same time I started the Initiation with Danielle Searancke again in February. After I took a Development Class in Tulsa locally back in 2022, Danielle was my next Mentor. I started with her Podcast and then took the Initiation Round #9 in the Fall of 2022. I returned back to her container this Spring for my yearly Development Class, and because she is an amazing Teacher when it comes to Mediumship Development.

In August of 2023, I started sitting for a regular Meditation Practice when I took up Kundalini Meditation with Kyle Gray and I took 2024 to explore Eastern Philosophies and Spirituality after meeting Ram Dass. I began to sit with myself in 2023 every day, and I learned how to listen to My Spirit inside my daily practice. Mavis Patilla has been a major influence inside my Development as far as my Personal Journey goes- especially around her Teachings about connecting to our own Spirit Within. Meditation gave me the chance to connect within Myself, and a chance to learn who I really am behind all of who I think I am.

Kundalini Meditation introduced me to chanting, especially Mantra Practice and Yoga Nada (the Yoga of Sound). Yoga is absolutely beautiful when you get into the Spirituality and Philosophy that is the Practice. Most of us in the West know about Yoga through the bastardized physical Practice that is Yoga in the United States. True Yoga is about Union between the Body, Mind and Soul (the Spirit Within). Because my introduction to Yoga Philosophy was through Ram Dass, I was also introduced to Buddhism, the Tao, Zen, and more Eastern Philosophies and Meditations. I changed my Spiritual Practice and started sitting Vipassana this past summer to connect more to my body and left the Kundalini space. I took the chanting with me as a permanent practice, and found Bhakti Yoga- the Yoga of the Heart where chanting is an integral part of the practice.

Chanting is one of my favorite ways to Meditate. I can tell when I am not focused on the Meditation (especially when the chanting is in Hindi or Sanskrit), and I am caught thinking. The prayers and mantras stay with me all day and replay in my head as a steady stream (autistic- and my brain is constantly spinning). When I have a standing Chanting Practice (a Japa Practice) for 40, 90, 120 days, the mantra begins to teach me. One day I might hear every syllable that comes out of my mouth and every space between syllables, one day I might feel the Chant within my body within my chakras and move up and down my spine, one day I might get absolutely lost in the space within, one day I might not be able to quiet my brain at all and just have to keep coming back to the meditation and redirecting myself back to the prayer or Mantra. Chanting and singing are way to reset the Vagus nerve and brings balance to the Body. As a Medium, I have been able to access Trance states through Chanting and I have had some of my deepest conversations with my People and Friends beyond the Veil during these types of Meditations. My brain works well with something else to focus on beyond myself- and when it can stay busy thinking something repetitive. Sometimes I even listen to Mantra when I am doing readings because it works that well for me at keeping that part of my brain busy.

It had been at least 6 months since I had sat for longer than 20 minutes in meditation, and probably closer to 9 months since I had done a Mantra meditation. I did not know the Hanuman Chalisa fully- it is a 40 Verse Prayer in Hindi and I struggled with everything past verse 5. The first 20 chalisas were me trying and trying and trying to get the Hindi part correct. I had bought Krishna Das's “Flow of Grace” in January because he does a word-by-word pronunciation guide inside one of the Chapters to learn with, and I had been through it enough to know how the Hindi was pronounced if I could listen to the Prayer slowly, and I have always been a quick study when I am motivated and good with languages if I can hear the pronunciation. I spent a little bit winging it with the Prayer. Every time the frustration would arise because of a mispronunciation, or an error, or a wrong word, or a stumble, and I felt that Reactivity arise within myself, I had enough space to stop and observe. I remember saying to myself at one point- this is going to be a long meditation if I choose to make myself miserable. I decided at that point to lean into trust that I would pick the words of the Prayer up when I was supposed to and I would just stay and not give up. So I did- and by about Chalisa 90 the kinks were worked out. I decided to choose to treat myself with Grace instead of Pressure. Compassion instead of Anger. Love instead of Shame. That might sound like a no-brainer, but for me that was a turning point.

I took notes as the impressions hit me during the whole experience. Danielle had mentioned chanting a few times, the Hanuman Chalisa had come back into my awareness along with an urgency to learn the Prayer, and I know because of the timing of the Event and the Intiation that sitting inside this Experience is a part of my Mediumship and my Personal Development/Spiritual Practice.

I made it 2 hours and 20 minutes (Chalisa #18), and ended things with my long term off/on friend of eight years completely. I saw how not accepting the Impermanence that is Life and that Mediumship teaches us was creating a cycle of forgive and forget that was perpetuating pain and was essentially people pleasing. I chose to give myself Grace and move forward instead of staying stuck in the holding pattern of pain for both of us.

I realized Mediumship eventually moves from being a Spirtual Practice (Bhankti Yoga) to a tool of a Spritual Practice that opens us deeper to the connection to ourselves and the world around us. As we learn to connect to the Other Side, we learn to connect and see and hold the people in our Physical/Human World. My Spiritual Practice is Practicing Moving from a place that Remembers to Love Everyone, Serve Others and from a Place of Compassion, and Remember the Divine that Lives within Us All.

I hit a wall at some point (probably about Chalisa 40 or 50) where I was sitting in grief that had circled back around from ending the relationship, and was in tears. I found myself writing “oh well- I can break. I will still be standing after the break because my Heart can hold it ALL”. When learn inside our Mediumship Practice that we can truly hold the pain and grief of our sitter and our person on the Other Side. We can also hold their joy and concern for their loved ones here. Our Development and subsequent sittings outside our Development teach us how to hold ourselves in our own uncertainty, and we learn how to meet ourselves with this same open and accepting heart. As we continue to grow and explore our consciousness, we learn we don't have to close our hearts in the face of pain and we can carry all the paradoxes life carries within the journey. We can choose peace today, especially when we remember peace is found within us and not externally outside of us.

There are a few more pages of reflections- but about halfway through I burst into tears. In all my reflecting and writing and offering myself Grace, Compassion and Acceptance- and continuing to show up for myself and inside this Experience (because it is NOT easy to sit like this), I realized I am NOT the same person I was in 2022 when I first walked into Danielle's Intiation. There is nothing left of the old me but those parts of my personality that are Me and Who I Am. I move differently today. I treat myself differently today. I embody what I believe today. I truly have no where to go back to. The only way to move is forward and choose new experiences.

We move from a different place when we offer ourselves Grace, Compassion and Acceptance and we create the space to choose to react to the parts of Ourselves we are so critical of with the qualities of the Heart. Mediumship gives us the space to develop these qualities for others. Our super powers kick in when we can turn those same qualities on ourselves and we begin to love all of ourselves from our Heart with the same love we give to Others.

Ashley ♥️